It’s missions month at our home church in Cape Town and this year’s theme is ‘Courageous’. Because we are missionaries who are a part of the church, we were asked to share about our experiences around this theme. As Kenny and I brainstormed about what we would say to the church, my instinct was to rely on his giftings and allow him to share our story. You see, he’s the confident one on stage. He’s the one who tells our stories. It is not his natural desire to be in front, but he always ‘takes one for the team’ and represents our family well.
The problem is that the morning after we chatted, a story started to grow inside of me. I agreed to share it, but it had to be on my own terms…in other words, NOT live on stage. I spent the better part of one afternoon forming my thoughts and I recorded a short video.
Sunday morning arrived and I was ready to sit back and watch my vulnerable self on the big screen. But then, the most horrible thing happened. I walked into the sanctuary with all 3 kiddos and Kenny says to me “They can’t get the video to work. You’re upside down and they can’t make it right. They want to know if we have a back up plan?” Um…nope. I sure don’t. Not a plan that includes me at least. I looked at my husband, with tears in my eyes, and I said “No”. I just can’t. The missions team quickly came up with a good back up plan that let me off the hook. (Can I just tell you how grateful I am for the people around us who support me and love me right where I’m at, insecurities and all!?)
I was definitely feeling defeated during worship, but I repeated all of my excuses not to get up on that big, scary stage. I already did my part. This mistake is not my fault. They’d just have to show the video another time once they figured it out. I didn’t practice this morning. I wore the wrong outfit. I had no notes with me. What if I froze or fumbled and represented our story poorly?
I felt like a coward, but I had made my decision and I’d have to live with it.
While we continued in worship, the Lord very clearly reminded me that the theme was ‘Courageous.’ Duh. Of course. This moment was my object lesson. I turned to Kenny, pushed my fear back for a quick second, and I told him that I had changed my mind and I wanted to do it…and you know what? I got up there on stage with my family, held that microphone in my shaking hand, and I shared my story. God was with me as I faced my biggest fear. I felt peaceful and confident in His message. Honestly, just to be able to say that I didn’t die is a major success!
God gets all the glory and I am so very grateful that He allowed me the opportunity to stretch my faith that morning. Praying He allows you the freedom to do the same.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
Here’s my courageous story (which, by the way, was formatted correctly for the church screen with a simple push of a button later that day):